Maximum Ride: An Owners Manual
by Agent Anderson
Summary: A Manual to owning Maximum Ride characters!
1. Chapter 1: Max

Disclaimer- I don't own Maximum Ride or any of its characters, this is purely for fun!

**Owner's Guide to Maximum Ride**

**A Manual**

**Congratulations!- **You are now the proud owner of your very own Maximum Ride! Finally caught and sedated courtesy of Institute scientists, this fine human-avian hybrid is all yours!

**What Have I Ordered?-**

Simply put, you've ordered the spunky, hot leader of the Flock. She comes complete with:

-Fang Plushie

-Jeb Batchelder punching bag

-Ari punching bag

-Extra conditioner, shampoo and other shower supplies.

-Red Van toy car

-Junky Prius toy car

-Painkillers (See how to assemble)

**Note: There are no refunds, returns (unless otherwise stated) or satisfaction guarantees. Use at your own risk.**

**How to assemble- **

Maximum Ride comes in a plain carboard box. Open with caution! Stand far back as Max will probably punch you in the face when she gets let out.

**After assembling-**

Max will probably apologize after she helps you off the ground. Use the painkillers if needed. Now show Max around your house and neighborhood. She will probably choose her own room now.

**Added Info-**

Although Max will choose a room, she won't often sleep in it. She'll most likely find a cave somewhere and snuggle up in it. Also- DON'T PIS HER OFF! If you do, you will end up bruised and half dead.

**Likes to Do-**

Max will often retreat to her room and "snuggle" with her Fang plushie. If she does, take a picture and post it on the net. Things will clear up in a few days. NEVER take away the plushie! We are not responsible for any death/dismemberment injuries if you do so. Max also likes to boss people around. Play along with this, or just sell her your little sibling.

**Not to Give-**

DO NOT give Max a feather duster. This will probably offend her. If your dad is a scientist, try not to let her know this. If she figures out, get some good insurance. If you own a Ari/Jeb/Agent, keep her far away from them!!!!!

**How to Maintain-**

Basically, let Max do her own thing. She is a free spirit hack hack. Be warned: she likes to take looooooooooooooong showers. We have included a surplus of shower items, and she will probably run up your hot water bill. Let Max boss you around until you get the rest of the Flock. Note- Don't let Fang into her room. You may get some extra members of the family running around. The solution to this problem is the same as that of the Fang plushie.

**In Conclusion-**

Enjoy your very own Maximum Ride! It is recommended you buy other fabulous products from Biotech Industries to complete your collection. Once again, enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2: Jeb

**Owners Guide to Jeb Batchelder**

**A Manual**

**Congratulations!- **You are now the proud owner of the scientist everyone loves to hate, Jeb Batchelder!

**What Have I Ordered?- **

To put it simply, you have ordered the evil, lying scientist and former mentor of Max Ride. He comes complete with:

-White labcoat

-Ari standup

-Wire framed spectacles

-Bottle of Aftershave

-Websters Dictionary 2007 edition

-Tylenol (see Added Info)

**Notes: No refunds, returns (**unless otherwise stated**) or sastisfaction guarantees. Use at your own risk.**

**How to Assemble-**

Jeb comes in a white, metal, sciency box. Simply push the button on the side and the box will unfold itself.

**After Assembling-**

Show Jeb around and introduce him to any other family members. There is no need to give Jeb a room. He will find one for himself.

**Added Info-**

Jeb will often stay up late into the night on sciency websites. Don't be alarmed; just let him have his morning coffee and he will be fine. Jeb will often try to have long, complicated conversations with you or other family members. This is where Tylenol and Dictionary comes in handy. Also, if Jeb starts staring at Max, this is normal. Max will just tell him off or Ari might grab his attention.

**Likes To Do-**

Jeb likes anything to do with science. He will probably order subscriptions to science magazines, and will often drive off to nearby science conventions. He also likes his morning coffee and uses copious amounts of aftershave.

**Not To Give-**

Don't give Jeb any of those "At Home Science" kits or any science equipment. He will try and conduct stem cell research and gene splicing in you basement. To solve this problem, burn any science kits in the nearby area and bury the ashes.

**How To Maintain-**

Jeb will keep to himself. If he gets near Max, a long conversation will ensue and Max will probably end up crying or in a fury. All Jeb needs is periodic visits to an eye doctor and he will be fine.

**In Conclusion-**

In Conclusion, follow the above instrustions and enjoy! Coming soon from Biotech Industries: Ari!


	3. Chapter 3: Ari

**Owner's Guide to Ari**

**A Manual**

**Congratulations!**- You are now the proud owner of a disturbed, slightly emo Eraser, Ari!

**What Have I Ordered?**-

To put it simply, you have ordered the seven year old kid turned Eraser named Ari. He comes complete with:

-Leather Jacket

-Painkillers

-Bowstaff

-Night Vision Goggles

-Max Pin Up

-Switchblade

-Anti depressants

**Notes- No refunds, returns (unless otherwise stated) or satisfaction guarantees. use at your own risk.**

**How to Assemble-**

Ari comes in a old fashioned cardboard box. Use scissors to open.

**After Assembling-**

Show Ari around and assure him that your family members aren't threats to him. If possible, give Ari a room next to Max. If you don't, you will probably find a copious amount of switchblades embedded in you spine.

**Added Info-**

Ari will often bite his arm when he's sad or angry. This is normal behavior. Just give him an anti depressant and everything will be fine. Ari is a loner. He will use your basement as a sparring and training area. Don't disturb his training. Unless, of course, you don't mind taking a bowstaff to the head.

**Likes to Do-**

Ari likes to train. Give him your basement to use as a training area. Let him do what he likes with it. Ari reeeeeeeeeeally likes his Max pin up. Don't take it away. We warned you. Ari will often stalk Max, but don't be disturbed. Just let Max beat the crap out of him.

**Not to Give-**

Don't give Ari any sharp, pointy objects. E.G. scissors, knives, razors, etc. Also, don't let him near the kitchen. See warning about sharp, pointy objects. DON"T GIVE ARI MAX. 'Nuff said.

**How to Maintain-**

The only thing you really need to do to maintain Ari is remind him to take his pain pills and give him anti depressants if needed.

**In Conclusion-**

In conclusion, have fun and follow the instructions and you won't be sent to an early grave. Also, make sure to order the upcoming model Agent Anderson from Biotech Industries!


	4. Chapter 4: FANG!

**Owner's Manual to Fang**

**A Manual**

**Congratulations!- **You are now the proud owner of that oh-so-hot-and-sexy bird kid, Fang!!!! People envy you!!! YAY!

**What Have I Ordered?-**

To put it simply, you have ordered Fang. Need I say more? He comes complete with:

- Sexy black jacket

- Max plushie

- Laptop computer

- Ari punching bag

- Irrisistable charm : )

**Notes: No refunds, returns (unless otherwise stated) or satistfaction guarantees. Use at your own risk.**

**How to Assemble- **Fang comes in a simple shipping box. It is STRONGLY suggested that you have the immidiate area cordoned off with riot police. These fangirls have FANG SENSE...seriously. Carefully open him and stand back as screaming fans hoard your house.

**After Assembling- **Shoo away screaming fans. Note: BIOTECH INDUSTRIES IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR INJURIES TO FANGIRLS CAUSED BY TASERS AND/OR PELLET GUNS OR PEPPER SPRAY. Fang will probaly home in on Max. Feel free to play mushy love music as they make out passionately. Fang will sleep with Max. No need for seperate rooms.

**Added Info- **If you are ever board, make some popcorn, invite your friends over and let Fang and Ari loose in the front yard. Will provide hours of endless entertainment!!! It is also suggested you charge guests... : )

**Likes to Do- **Fang likes to do MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX. : p ; ) Oh, and he posts on his blog sometimes.

**Not to Give- **DO NOT let fang near a handgun. he has a fascination for weapons developed during MR3. If you do give Fang a gun, make sure it is at a firing range and that you and any Flyboys or Erasers are at a safe distance.

**How to Maintain- **Just let Fang keep to himself. He doesn't talk much, and it is perfectly normal if he holes himself up in his room with Max for a few hours.

**In Conclusion- **In conclusion, keep to the above instructions, hire a 24 hour fangirl security force, and enjoy! Also from Biotech Industries: Angel!

_A/N: Jeez, soory about the wait. I've been splitting my time between my other stories and haven't had time to update this one. When I did, I knew I had to do Fang : ) Jeez, people really like this story! It's on a C2 and has been favorited like 5 times. SO WHY DON"T YOU REVIEW!!!! Sorry, Coming up next: Angel!!!! _


	5. Chapter 5: Angel FINALLY

**Owner's Guide to Angel**

**A Manual**

**Congratulations!- **You are now the pround owner of the cute, cudly, and sometimes freaky bird kid Angel!

**What Have I Ordered?-**

To put it simply, you have ordered the youngest and most gifted member of Max Ride's Flock, Angel. She comes complete with:

-Celeste

-A fish tank

-Fish food

-Tutu

-Bambi eyes

**Note: No refunds, returns, (**unless otherwise stated**) or satisfaction guarantees. Use at your own risk.**

**How to Assemble-**

Comes in a bright pink box. Please obey the sudden desire to open it.

**After Assembling-**

Show Angel around and introduce the other family members. She will want the small pink room, and will make you get one if you don't have one. She will probably immediatly seek out Max and any other members of the Flock you happen to own.

**Added Info-**

Do not be alarmed if your family members start acting strangely. Angel has the ability to control minds, she will stop when she gets what she wants. Also, don't be alarmed if she stays underwater for loooooong periods of time. She can breath underwater, too.

**Likes to Do-**

Likes to control minds, talk to fish, play with Celeste in her tutu, and talk to Max. Just give her whatever she wants, she'll get it anyway. Only Max has yet been documented to resist mind-control. It is strongly recommended you make Total your next purchase. You probably will anyway.

**Do Not Give-**

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LET ANGEL INTO THE WHITE HOUSE.

**How to Maintain-**

You should be fine, just so long as you don't take away Celeste, or hurt Max. Biotech Industries is not responsible for any dismemberment/mental issues that ensue. Biotech Industries is also not responsible for any sudden or rash desicions made by the President.

**In Conclusion-**

Follow the above instructions and have fun! Also, be sure to order our upcoming model, Iggy.

_A/N: HOLY CRAP I FINALLY UPDATED!!!! I am not dead yet ; ). I will try to update as quickly as possible, until then read and review._


	6. Not Dead Yet!

Hey, all my loyal fans! Just reporting in to let you know that I'm not dead yet! Sorry for such a long wait, but I've been working on some original projects, and school is killing me P. If you are still with me, thanks for sticking with it! I should have new chapters up for all my stories sometimes this weekend, so just hold out a little longer!

Yours,

Anderson


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